remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
