I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
