I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
