She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
