thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
