Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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