Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
