I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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