Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
