I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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