I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
