Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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