Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
