maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
