dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
