We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
