Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
