im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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