I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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