you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
