Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
