we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
