If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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