They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
