You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
so much tequila, so little girl.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
