I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
