the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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