Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
