When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
