I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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