He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
