i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
