I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There's always time for handjobs
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
