He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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