I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
