If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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