DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
