The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
please come you make the beer taste better
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
