I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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