I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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