so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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