her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
