I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
