I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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