people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
