Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
