Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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