it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
