You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
