there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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