the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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