Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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